But it’s not like I had any readers in the first place. For a while there, I was really enjoying the ability to just unload my mind in my writing. A lot has changed since my last entry.
- I’m living with Rachel now and we’re finding a new place for just the two of us.
- I’m 25 now with a stable job working for Art & Coin TV.
- And I have moved from Tustin to Canoga Park and soon will be moving to Lomita.
I guess those are the three big things so far. This is me at 25. This is a completely different me compared to who I was when I was 20. I think my 20 year old self would be happy to see that this is where he’s going to end up. Things were kinda dark back then and I was pretty lost for a while. But I guess we all find our way eventually. Well, not all of us. Some people die alone.
There’s this line in the song “What Sarah Said” that states “Love is watching someone die”. That line has stuck to me ever since I had first heard that song. The album Plans came out in 2005. 20 year old Richard was listening to that album. I didn’t really grasp the concept of that line back then. I thought it to be morbid and untrue. Slowly, as the years past, I have begun to embrace that line of song and believe it completely.
I have never had the opportunity to watch someone die. This isn’t something that I am excited to do, it’s just something I know that I will have to do eventually. There’s one thing that most of us have to deal with at a point in our life. The death of our parents. Now I know I love my Mom and Dad, and I try my best to make them proud. I also know and can’t ignore the fact that we are all mortal. One of these days, something is going to happen. It sucks. But time keeps ticking; time is the only disease we don’t have a cure for. We all get old. We all die. I know for a fact, that at some point in the future, I myself will die. And as I imagine myself on my deathbed with life slipping from me, the thing I want to see at my final moments are the ones that I love most in my life. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want the last eyes I see to be one of a stranger’s with my last thought’s becoming “I don’t even know you, why are you here?”.
If me at 25 doesn’t want this to happen to myself, then I’m pretty sure that my parents at 55 doesn’t want this happening to them either. If being next to the ones I love is my dying wish, then I should do the same to those who request it. I myself have not asked what my parent’s dying wishes are. I’m sure being as old as they are while still feeling as young as I am, death is probably the last thing they want to think about. I love my parents, and to show them that I do love them, I am going to be by their side until the very end just like how they were by my side from the very beginning. I’m lucky to have parents like my own. They have always done what they feel was best for me and never has tried to cheat me out of anything or taken advantage of me. And the way I want to let them know that I appreciate everything that they have done for me is to give them what I believe is the hardest, most painful, most loving gift to give.
“Love is watching someone die”
Like I said, I want to be next to the people I love most in my life when I pass away. The list of those people may change a couple of times throughout my life or it may not. What I feel is important is who’s on your list when your time comes. I have changed so much in the last 5 years that certain people on my list in 2005 aren’t on my list in 2010. As you’re breathing your last breath I’m sure the last person you would want to see is an ex-girlfriend that hates you. My point is, is that I’m surrounding myself with people that make me happy. If somebody is causing me drama, i’m probably not going to be hanging out with you if we can’t work things out. There’s no point in keeping a friend that constantly causes you problems. To me, that’s a shitty friend.
So I guess I’m just saying that in the last 5 years I have learned a lot. There are people I have met, things that I have done, and life that I have lived. I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.
